


lost

by taetaexyjh



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Background Character Death, M/M, Mentioned Hong Jisoo | Joshua
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-06-28
Packaged: 2020-05-28 05:56:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19387891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taetaexyjh/pseuds/taetaexyjh
Summary: it has been 2 years, 7 months and 28 minutes since his world has stopped.





	lost

silence. heavy echos of nothing. even though he lives in the busier part of the town that never sleeps. still, no wave of sound seemed to get through his ears.

2 years, 7 months and 28 minutes was when he lost all his senses.

not literally, he just couldn't be bothered to feel or use his senses anymore.

he was too busy.

he got too busy going through denial, anger, confusion, sadness and grief.

he was too busy processing the loss of his other half to care about functioning as a human being.

he was too busy **_lost_** , trying to find his way in life without the person that was once his rock.

why would he bother to hear anything, if the only voice he wants to hear is silenced?

he can't hear the soft ' i love you 's that he got after the loving stares of fondness whenever he was whining or rambling about something.

he can't hear the sinful nothings that he used to get whenever they were pressed, skin to skin, and doing things that only the two of them got to do with each other.

he can't hear the angry and frustrated yells of his voice whenever they were fighting over something he knows too well that he started just because he was that childish.

if he can't hear the voice of his loved one than what was the point of hearing anymore?

he kind of learned how to tune everything out.

how to keep going not listening or paying attention to what anyone says.

it almost angers him how desperate he is to hear that voice again! that he would settle even for angry shouts that he used to hate so much. he doesn't care anymore. anything that would get him to hear his voice. he just wants, needs, to hear seungcheol voice on more time.

he wasn't ready to lose that voice two years ago. if only he knew that night that he would lose his boyfriend to a sudden cardiac arrest! because that was what death is about. sudden. he would've done his absolute best to get enough of his voice. even though he knows that no amounts of hearing seungcheol's voice would ever be enough.

_rushed steps of doctors and nurses in the ER were making him feel dizzy. nauseous. like will throw up anytime._

_knowing that those rushed steps were for his boyfriend._

_knowing that the loud sound of heartbeat monitor were his boyfriend's weak beats. holding on to make their owner alive._

_**" I'm sorry, we've done our best. he can't hold on for longer than an hour at most. he's asking for you "** the middle-aged doctor gave him a bow and left just like that. _

_he froze for a matter of seconds. minutes maybe? he doesn't know. he was just standing there. not knowing how to act. how to breath._

_snapping out of his frozen state when the door suddenly opened and a nurse came out looked him over from head to toe. looking at his shaking body, despite the long sleeved cardigan he was wearing. and his red eyes from crying that his glasses couldn't hide. and the messy curls his blonde locks were. she gave him a sympathetic smile and a pat on the back and told him to go inside softly._

_once he saw his lover pale and tired body on the hospital bed. hooked up to all kinds of machines and wires. their eyes met and his lover managed to smile at him. telling him to come over with his soft, tired voice._

_he rushed to the right side of the bed and couldn't stop the tears that ran down his cheeks._

_**" Hi beautiful "** seungcheol said with his gentle voice. while reaching his heavy hand to hold onto the shaking ones of jeonghan._

_**"** **hey "** the blonde replied shakily with a sob while softly and gently holding onto the hands of his boyfriend, as if he was afraid to break the pale and cold hands._

_they talked, about anything. anything but the matter at hand. that seungcheol was going to die any minute from now._

_as the heart monitor started to slow down. jeonghan panicked as he was about to get up from the chair he was sitting on to call doctors. even though he knew they would come. but, seungcheol weak hands grasped his hands **" stay "** so he did. with shaking legs he lowered himself on the chair. crying._

_**"** **so now can I say that you literally gave me a heart attack? "** seungcheol asked playfully, weakly, while chuckling lightly. he looked in pain. like he wanted to wince from the pain but stopped himself from doing so. _

_with a shuddering breath he said softly with a tone full of pain, of heartbreak. **"** **oh my! my very dear cheol what would I do without you? "** while reaching out his shaky to caress the older's cheeks. _

_the doctors and nurses came into the running. fumbling with the wires and machines. all that while seungcheol was looking into jeonghan's eyes. smiling. **"** **sorry "** mouthed his dying lover. _

_**"** **it's okay "** he mouthed back with tears falling. they didn't stop ever since he dialed the ambulance till now. to this very moment of his lover letting go._

_**" it's okay seungcheol, let go. "** and as if obeying his lover's demands. seungcheol closed his eyes as the heart monitor went in a straight line. announcing his lover's, his other half, his seungcheol death. _

he remembers breaking down on the floor.

he remembers seeing seungcheol body covered in a white bag being rolled out of the room.

he remembers asking them to stop for a moment and moving the white bag away from his face.

he remembers his boyfriend peacefully lying there. with his eyes closed. not breathing.

he remembers running his thumb over his full colorless chapped lips.

he remembers leaning down to kiss those lips that once were so red and full of color and warmth.

he remembers covering it again and watching the bed that held his lover's dead body moving away.

he remembers dialing joshua, his best friend number at four a.m telling him to come get him from seoul hospital.

he remembers his best friend's panicked voice asking him what happened hearing his hoarse and dry voice.

he remembers saying **" seungcheol died "**

and that was the moment where he shut everything down, his life, his friends, himself.

because how could he live when his other half wasn't there beside him. everything just seems pointless without seungcheol.

but, he remembers forming this special relationship with the stars and the moon always telling them guard and watch his seungcheol for him since he is not able to, not without him by his side.

he looked up the dark sky that was littered with small black and white dots scattered around the moon and said softly " **wait for me a little more, i'll come for you "** while gazing at the dark starry sky 

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first ever ever ever oneshot and it's angsty af so sorry don't kill me please! but, I hope you like it :)


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